My friend Heather sent me this, and I just had to share it with you! I needed a laugh, and I hope you laugh as hard as I did!
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's a treat! Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, sandwich in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'
Thursday, 20 December 2007
Holiday Celebration Tips!
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8 comments:
This is such a NOT GOOD post to read! I am now passionately longing for a vat of eggnog!
I had my own bout of humour right at the end of your post just seeing how you spell the category label: "humor"! Did Mama, who burdened us with the awareness of semi-colons and dangling participles allow "such carryings on" in spelling? My, my! What has America done to my sister!
My computer spellchecks "humour" as incorrect, underlined in that ghastly red color (notice, it is not colour)!! I refused to give in for a long time, but when you type documents for U.S. clients, they think you have misspelled things when you spell words the Canadian way. Now I am so used to it that I never even thought of how I was spelling "Humor."
Goody Jeanette. A real laugh #s 5 6 7
You arr what your eat...so I always eat rich food.
I'll have to remember that, Amrita! Only rich foods for us from now on, right??!
Amrita, I love your little comment! I put up little jokes on my whiteboard at work -- that one shall go up for sure!
Good pictures, Carol-Ann (or should I say Wilma Flintstone)! I especially like the one of Roger!
Merry Christmas to you Denver bunch! This year was our turn to host the Allen family Christmas ... always wonderful to see everyone but you know me and cooking! I've anticipated it with panic for the past two months waking up in the middle of the night and wondering how in the world I was going to have the bird and the veggies and potatoes all ready and hot but not overcooked at the same time! I finally decided to set the bird free and did my own style of entertaining! It went very well and I don't think anyone even noticed there was no turkey or hot veggies! We had a stroganoff meat sauce on mashed potatoes with eight different side-toppings (tomato, shredded cheese, peanuts, raisins, pineapple tidbits, mandarin oranges, green pepper and chopped green onions), jellied salad and slaw -- punch -- fruit salad and cookies and chocolates for dessert. I seem to be able to handle the kitchen when I don't have to have more than two things to keep hot for the meal!
Bruce took some pix of the day so I will post them soon!
Merry Christmas to you there in Toronto! I'm glad you had such a wonderful day, Carol-Ann! Your meal sounds wonderful, and I wish I could have been there. I'm looking forward to the promised pix which, I hope, will include a squint at your new curls???
We had traditional turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn, and asparagus, with apple pie and whipped cream (my waistline is groaning, as it was the real thing!) for dessert.
This Christmas was somehow very special to me in a quiet sort of way...with just a tiny window of a glimpse early this morning into the kind of "peace on earth" God meant to bring us because of Christmas.
I'm missing you...
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